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Monday 29 June 2015

The news in brief 29th June 2015



The following is a public service announcement from The news in brief:

When was the last time you went to a church hall jumble sale? Last month? Last year? Ten years ago? However long it’s been, what do you remember? We remember trestle tables heaped with second-hand baby clothes, half-chewed G.I. Joe figures and homemade scones with too-hot tea served in barely watertight polystyrene cups. We also remember old people. Lots and lots of old people. Bible-types who go to church every Sunday and donate tinned fruit to the church’s Harvest Festival collection and knit scarves to sell at the Women’s Institute fete. They like to pinch little boy’s cheeks and they refuse to understand how putting the tickets back in the tombola keep the odds the same for everyone and increases the number of tickets you can sell. Do these people not want money to fix the church roof?!

We digress.     

How many times did you look at those grey-haired Jesus-botherers and think ‘I’ll bet those bile-spewing hatemongers are all members of the KKK. They should be shot, or deported, or shot then deported. Fuckers!’

The answer is probably zero.

That’s because not every Christian is a member of the KKK. The KKK are terrible human beings whilst most Christians are ordinary men and women who drink tea, eat toast and watch a bit of telly before bed. They seldom set fire to things and they are probably not inclined to lynch black people.

Somehow, this understanding doesn’t copy across to some of the impossibly vocal, but entirely slack-jawed yokels who ruin the Internet with their mindless comments about our Muslim brothers and sisters. Despite the fact that in Tunisia, groups of Muslims risked their lives to protect innocent beach-users from the recent terrorist attack, some people – some very noisy people - can’t fathom the very simple fact that not all Muslims are terrorists. Just the crazy ones.

ISIS are terrible human beings whilst most Muslims are ordinary men and women who drink tea, eat toast and watch a bit of telly before bed. They seldom blow things up and they are probably not inclined to shoot people.

It’s really not that hard, and if some of you absolute wankers who like to comment on the news could maybe apply a few milliseconds of thought before you spew bile all over your keyboards, that would be just swell.

Reading the news so you don’t have to…




   

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