The news in brief 11th June 2015

The news in brief:

Normally when someone famous dies, especially when they were very old and they die of natural causes, we tend to make some sort of sideways comment about how we get more upset about an old geezer shuffling off the mortal coil than we do the hundreds, if not thousands who die every from war, famine, abuse, greed, corruption and religion.

But come on, it’s Christopher Lee. The dude was Lord Summerisle, The Man with the Golden Gun, Dracula, a Werewolf Hunter, a Sith Lord, The White Wizard, Sherlock Holmes - Sherlock-fucking-Holmes - as well as a war veteran, fantastic beard wrangler, knight of the realm, death metal artist and the owner of the most iconic voice known to man.

So, for once we’re going to say fuck it and do a fluff piece about a famous dead guy: nice one Sir Christopher Lee.

In other news:

Heaven’s about to get its pockets picked.

Cyborg tortoise is back on its feet / wheels

Small, inconsequential accident blown out of all proportion

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Joke was actually pretty funny

Man just says what we’re all thinking

Conspiracy theorists prepare for their annual freak-out

Pro tip: try not to desecrate sacred ground

Bureaucracy: 1 – Human kindness in the face of acute suffering: 0  

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Cheese recipe is NOT news

Calm your passions: fictional family aren’t breaking up

Newspaper eyes up a minor

Operation clearly a success

Nudes in brief: Miley Cyrus? Again?! From now on she’s exempt from the nudes in brief…

And finally: newspaper has opinions about couple’s wedding

Reading the news so you don’t have to…