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Friday 19 February 2016

The news in brief 19th February 2016

We wrote this earlier in the day,  before the news about Harper Lee broke. If 2016 could stop claiming all the coolest people, that'd be swell

Today’s news in brief:

Drunken monkey rampage

Zuka virus makes condoms okay. But not aids, overpopulation, drought, famine....

Government continues to squeeze the frail, sick and disabled

Teenager unable to say when limbs expected to grow back

Company begrudgingly lets you do what you want with your own things

Smackdown: Internet vesus the FBI

Bigoted twat continues to offend the world

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

And not one of you fuckers thought about putting the dolphin back in the water?

Breaking news: consenting adults sometimes enjoy sex

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Ferengi rule of acquisition number 34 sadly applicable to Earth

Pro tip: get your gas appliances checked regularly

Archaeologists have a wheelie good time

Bureaucracy: 1, Human decency: 0

Reality TV sinks to a new low

Bucket of frightened snakes unavailable for comment

Study states the obvious: sugar is bad for you

Stars in their bras: Gigi Hadid

And finally: ketchup was already gluten free

Reading the news so you don’t have to...

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