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Sunday 17 January 2016

The news in brief 17th January 2016

This week’s celebrity news in brief:

Couple pops to the shop

Breaking news: even celebrities need groceries

Woman has legs

Public breakdown is not entertainment

Woman updates social media

Cleavage is NOT news

Woman wears a dress

Paparazzi intrudes on woman’s holiday

Woman wears clothes appropriate for the weather

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

There’s nothing remotely newsworthy about playing games whilst on holiday

Heterosexuals continue to undermine the sanctity of marriage

Big Brother inexplicably still on

The finer details of a couple’s divorce are none of our fucking business

Wild speculation

Pro tip: it’s only a ‘public’ display of affection because you assholes took a picture and put it online

Woman wears trousers

Newspaper feels ways about woman’s outfit

Newspaper continues to perv on minor

Woman fails to conform to media’s narrow definition of beauty

People ‘keeping a low profile’ probably don’t want their picture in the papers…

Nudes in brief: Millie Mackintosh

And finally: man wears coat

Reading the ‘news’ so you don’t have to....

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