With only a week left to go to the General Elections, David
Dimbleby is no doubt basking in the rays of Earth’s yellow sun, readying
himself for another herculean broadcasting marathon.
Rumour has it that he is immune to the Avada Kedavra curse,
can see through time and that his withering stare can grant life to new Transformers.
With that in mind, let’s cast our minds back to the 30th
April 2014 – when petrol was still only 9 pence a litre, littering was
practically unheard of and apparently I was feeling under the weather:
I’m feeling really unwell and there’s still two more working days of this week left to go, so something of an abridged news in brief tonight:
Young couple’s break up is none of our business
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
State sanctioned murder not humane enough
Study states the obvious: fibre is good for you
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Man quits job
Giant whale ready to blow
Breaking news: woman buys fruit juice
More racist horsefuckery crawls out of the woodwork
3D pen is heresy and witchcraft!
Young woman allegedly sexually abused – better use a picture of her wet and in a bikini
Nudes in brief: Charlotte Crosby
Diana Watch 2014: still pretty fucking dead
Skimming reading the news so you don’t have to…
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