The news in brief 6th January 2014

The news in brief:

Celebrity spendthrift sets back equal rights by eight billion years

Panellist grotesquely oversimplifies complicated issue

Media’s war against teachers continues apace

More economic woes to come

Ignorant thundercunt gets collared

News has already decided what music you will enjoy this year

Hero cop was a human being

It’s still raining

Heavy snow forecast for January in the Western Hemisphere

Man’s inhumanity to man continues

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Poland poses a fair question

Britain is totally the bigger man (bless)

Story reaches logical conclusion

Awesome sci-fi science helps kid

Diana Watch 2014: still ‘dead’

Fracking is still a thing apparently

WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

CBB: Girls kissing

Three hour orgasm not as hot as it sounds

Reading the news so you don’t have to…