The news in brief:
Lines still somewhat blurred (everybody shut up)
Mad suggestion that sick people should be treated like
people
Duke continues his mission to offend everyone
Just how many meals went un-photographed?
Seagulls will kill us all!
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Mystery dildos
Teenage mutant ninja crocodiles
Siri probably isn’t Skynet
The Summary Squirrel isn’t happy with the thought of paying
to watch Doctor Who
Newspaper reveals what 10 year-olds have known since 1993…
People act like cunts on the Internet
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Giant Hogweed strikes again
Public wants to have its cake and eat it
Pro tip: objectifying a woman isn’t actually news
Study states the obvious: sleep is good for you
Drunk squirrel fucks up private members club (don’t worry,
it wasn’t ours…)
Woman suggests people should be nice to each other
Public service announcement: don’t twat and drive
Harmless fish!
Conspiracy theorists have best day ever
Robots want you to look fabulous
Loch Ness Monster ‘probably bullshit’
Nudes in brief: Natasha Oakley
And finally: Stalker squirrel gets arrested (don’t worry, it
wasn’t ours…)
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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