The news in brief:
Flags hate women
Do you have a gay anus?
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Olive oil will kill us all
Bread is no longer the enemy
Super villains carry out biggest bank robbery of all time!
New razor probably has like 15 bazillion blades
TV show gets 20 complaints – before it even airs
Who knew Mars has better wifi than rural Lancashire...?!
Mystery cloud probably not aliens
To be fair, Rendlesham Forest probably was aliens
What's better than a Large Hadron Collider? An Even Larger Hadron Collider!
Cease fire still a difficult concept
Racists are narrow-minded twats
Human rights: 1 human decency: 0
Jobsworths rob father of his right to be an asshole
Racists aren't so hot on cultural awareness...
Turns out you don’t have to shower every day – but wash your bits you filthy skanks
Arsehole parks like an arsehole
Mega nerd has awesome funeral
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Newspaper tries to tell us how to think
Nudes in brief: Nadia Forde
And finally: the sun totally revolves around the earth – why else don’t planes fall out of the sky…?
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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