The news in brief:
Clowns
Scary clowns
Evil scary clowns
Evil scary fucked-up clowns
Evil scary fucked-up clowns terrorise country
Evil scary fucked-up French clowns terrorise country...
Fraudster is a gigantic cunt
Shock horror: region with lower socioeconomic status has worse diet than region with higher socioeconomic status
But hey, why do any journalism when fat-shaming sells papers?!
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Cadbury's breaks the hearts of children everywhere
Road trip sounds a lot like prostitution to me
Stop the press: man nearly bumps into another man whilst jogging
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
World leader criticised for making a pretty valid point
Supermarket learns to choose fonts more carefully
Minge pies are not a thing
Study states the obvious: global house prices vary
Biscuit does look a bit like cock and balls
Pro tip: wild animals can be dangerous
Pope suggests killing people is a Very Bad Thing
Nudes in brief: Jackie O
And finally: school is a teeny bit over-staffed
Reading the news so you don’t have to...
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