Today’s news in brief:
You may have noticed a distinct lack of news in brief yesterday. If I'm working for free, then you assholes can read your own news.
How many more celebrities need airlifting to hospital before throwing amatures at a ski jump stops seeming like a good idea?
Definition of ‘cease' changed to make news a little fluffier
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Pro tip: if publicly shaming someone's shape yields a positive result, you're still an asshole
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
We're dreaming of a white Easter
Super Tuesday not really all that super
Brexit will kill us all!
Brexit will save us all!
Breaking news: Brexit is not a word
The Internet’s favorite meme sadly died
Snorting coke in the Nazi room… where do we even start with that one?!
Turns out Australia doesn't share a border with Slovenia. Who knew?!
Skynet plans to use emergency exits against us
US military wants to test lasers properly before letting soldiers have a go
Study states the obvious: sleep is good for you
Nudes in brief: Miley Cyrus
And finally: Kung fu squirrels are pretty fucking rad
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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