Today’s news in brief:
Unrepentant shithead surprises no-one
Terrorist’s cell better than most people's first apartments
Media manipulation a-go-go
Parole meeting doesn't go to plan
Luminous hate-wizard inexplicably still popular
Martian methane apparently more worthwhile than freezing, starving refugees
Rogue nation remains terrifying/hilarious /adorable
How did doing doughnuts at a war memorial ever seem like a good idea?!
Nation shits itself for tomorrow's budget announcement
Perhaps they all had 2.1 NI number each?
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Putin pulls out (snigger)
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Easter eggs are shit
Pro tip: human remains are not drugs
Dog has two noses?! How does it smell? (sorry)
Skynet getting pretty good at board games
Dead woman to get special magic award
Diana Watch 2016: daughter-in-law wears similar hat. Still dead.
Study states the obvious: rest is good for you
Stars in their bras: Jesy Nelson
And finally: crustacean doesn't look anything like Elton John
Reading the news so you don’t have to...
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