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Friday 18 March 2016

The news in brief 18th March 2016

Today’s news in brief:

Steaming hypocritic claims moral victory

2016 continues to mow down beloved celebrities

Breaking news: periods no longer a luxury

Knee jerk reactions a-go-go

Millions of disabled people miraculously cured

People are literally never satisfied

Rogue nation surprises no-one

Kids suggest that maybe they’re under enough pressure

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Tax office fear rise of the homemade lemonade speakeasy

Medieval government still treats women like shit

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Coffee drinkers prepare for revolution

Teddy bear’s arm not a penis

Economy still pretty shit

Nation hungover after day-long racial slur

Church has been very naughty

Sanctimonious git needs to climb down from his high horse

Nudes in brief: doesn't seem appropriate when the boobs aren't voluntarily

And finally: sex toys made from dead partner’s ashes are totally a thing now

Reading the news so you don’t you don’t have to...

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