Today’s news in brief:
Steaming hypocritic claims moral victory
2016 continues to mow down beloved celebrities
Breaking news: periods no longer a luxury
Knee jerk reactions a-go-go
Millions of disabled people miraculously cured
People are literally never satisfied
Rogue nation surprises no-one
Kids suggest that maybe they’re under enough pressure
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Tax office fear rise of the homemade lemonade speakeasy
Medieval government still treats women like shit
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Coffee drinkers prepare for revolution
Teddy bear’s arm not a penis
Economy still pretty shit
Nation hungover after day-long racial slur
Church has been very naughty
Sanctimonious git needs to climb down from his high horse
Nudes in brief: doesn't seem appropriate when the boobs aren't voluntarily
And finally: sex toys made from dead partner’s ashes are totally a thing now
Reading the news so you don’t you don’t have to...
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