The news in brief 12th October 2015

The news in brief:

Holy shitballs, what have we missed?! Bombings, shootings, air strikes, escalating tensions, the threat of cold war, rise in witchcraft-based child abuse (yeah, you read that right) natural disasters, market downturns and god-knows what else.  

We’ve also had near misses from planet-smashing asteroids, the discovery of flowing water on Mars, Pluto’s ice and beautiful blue skies and even the Kardashians have kept up their relentless social-media offensive.

But only one news story has dominated the headlines here in the United Kingdom:     

Outrage: supermarkets in England have to charge 5 pence for disposable plastic carrier bags!!!   

And everybody lost their freaking minds!

The whole country literally went into meltdown as ‘still having a planet for our children to live on,’ wasn’t worth the effort of remembering to fling one of those bags-for-life you get pressured into buying every time you go to Sports Direct into the boot of your car before you go to Aldi (who have been charging for carrier bags for donkey’s years and nobody gave two fucks before now.)

People took to social media complaining about the new tax (it doesn’t go to the government)

People complained about the dirty profiteering supermarkets (they don’t get to keep it either)

Columnists suggested ways for you to get around the dirty profiteering new tax (recycle old bags?! No fucking way!)

People started flogging cut price carrier bags on ebay

The tabloids blew banter completely out of proportion

And then in true British style, we simply forgot all about it… it was probably tea time or something.  

Reading the news so you don’t have to...