The news in brief:
BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID!
Cybercriminals just aren't fun anymore
Politician is a hypocritical arse
Oppressive regime slightly less oppressive
Study states the obvious: 90 year-old has seen at least 9 decades
Population looks set to skyrocket
Skynet, sorry, Google wants to fix your head
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
People really want to see Harry Potter
CO-OP probably not haunted
Princess wears the same dress more than once… OH MY GOD WHO CARES?!
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
School teacher total loses her shit
Pro tip assholes: stop taxing vaginas
Newspaper completely dismisses debilitating illness
Turns out you've probably got herpes
Medieval mortality confused by hair
Elephants probably not responsible for pay dispute. Dicks.
Happy couple share their blessings
Skydiver probably wants a new hobby
Nudes in brief: Chanel Iman
And finally: Hero toddler tells his diagnosis to do one…
Reading the news so you don't have to…
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