The news in brief 2nd March 2015

Before reading any further – there is a long and foul tirade in today’s The news in brief.  Literally every expletive we know is strung together and yet somehow it still doesn’t come close to illustrating the outrage we felt reading that interview. If you’re of a sensitive disposition you might want to skip today’s post and come back tomorrow.  But just so you don’t think its all doom and gloom, we also found a cute story about a stray dog who begged for food from a group of athletes doing a gruelling cross country run. The dog then ran with them for hundreds of miles and one of the runners adopted him and now he’s healthy and happy. That’s pretty nice, right?   

The news in brief:

Breaking news: gays control the tides as well as the weather

Pro tip: bricks hurt

Attention-seeking hyper-bitch strikes again

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Seriously you mother-fucking bell-ended cunt-faced horse-fucker: a woman should be able to walk home in a god damned bikini, on her own, in the middle of the night if she wants to without fear of getting fucking raped.

Terrorist’s secret code exposed

Russia situation a bit hairy

Economy a bit less shit

Turns out that astronauts have body-confidence issues too

Study states the obvious: don’t mix milk and coke (why would you do that?!)

Real heroes don’t wear capes

Good news: nuts are good for you (for now)

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Just so you know – we’d eat the shit out of brie and jammy dodgers

Political party doesn’t quite get how this whole ‘manifesto’ thing works    

Diana Watch 2015: Princess allegedly fancied Eric Clapton. Still dead.

Slow news day? Another toy that totally doesn’t sound like it’s swearing

Leonard Nimoy: 1 –  Placard waving weirdos: 0  

Church didn’t think to check Enterprise’s forward torpedo bay…

Apparently lesbian Jews aren’t allowed chocolate spread

Nudes in brief: Jessica Lowndes

And finally: miracle twins are pretty awesome

Reading the news so you don’t have to…