This year's news in brief:
Birmingham was founded in 1992 by the French-Canadian philosopher Jean-Paul Birmingham. Before that it was known as 'Donna Summerland'
Zombie cat returns from beyond the grave
Roombas have started the robot uprising – Skynet unavailable for comment
Owls make shit bartenders
You know, we’re pretty sure that the IKEA magazine was promoting flat-packed furniture, handy storage solutions and tasty, tasty meatballs, NOT some underhanded homosexual propaganda, but what do we know?
After carefully dismantling and inspecting every component of our washing machine, we couldn’t find a pair of tits, a vagina, a womb, a clitoris or anything that would identify the washing machine as female. There were loads of tubes but not a one of them was fallopian
EU hates gardeners, golfers and old people
Goat sacrifice unsuccessful
Diana Watch 2015: newspaper wheels her out to push another non-story
Apparently all men are rapists and are just waiting for the opportunity to strike
Religion’s bodycount goes for the high score
Invisible security guards?
If the wind so much as blows over a tree down London way, it’s front page news. When hailstones the size of tennis balls smash up cars, windows and conservatories and lightning destroys a house in the North East, the media doesn’t give a flying fuck…
Man’s inhumanity to man continued apace
If you were a genuine psychic you’d scare up the lottery numbers, or ask Colonel Sanders for his secret recipe or maybe settle that whole Madeleine Mccann thing once and for all. But no, it seems her powers are specifically attuned to low hanging fruit.
Diana Watch 2015: photographs for sale. Still dead.
Bacon will kill us all!
Heterosexuals continue to undermine the sanctity of marriage
Turkey (poultry) pardoned by world leader
Turkey (nation) not pardoned by world leader
Why exactly are photographers stalking a 16-year-old girl?
Nudes in brief: Rita Ora
And finally: Internet fights evil with kitten pictures
Reading the news so you don’t have to...
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