The year in
brief 2014:
January:
Only a matter of time before we're balls deep in burned-out
caravans
Have you checked behind your sofa for Romanians?
February:
Winter Olympics too hot
Winter Olympics too cold
March:
Onions are a gateway drug
It turns out the tidal wave of Romanians and Bulgarians didn’t happen
April:
Being racist on Twitter is generally a Bad Idea
More racist horsefuckery crawls out of the woodwork
May:
Straight people continue to undermine the sanctity of marriage
Political party haven’t quite worked out how Twitter works
June:
Paparazzi catches woman eating yogurt
Basically the whole fucking planet is going to hell in a handbasket
July:
Laws of thermodynamics not that difficult to grasp
Whoever would have guessed that mutilating a young girl’s
ladyparts should be illegal?!
August:
100 years ago, a lost generation of farmers and merchants and
builders and labourers were forced to kill other farmers and merchants and
builders and labourers in muddy fields in France because human beings couldn’t
find a better way to settle their differences.
September:
The old “Great British Bake Off leads to increase in sales of baking goods” story is dusted off and wheeled out again for the fifth time.
Random, nine-foot tall, mega-wang-having statue of Satan randomly appears
in a park in Vancouver…
October:
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch continues her mission to offend
everyone on Earth
Pope suggests killing people is a Very Bad Thing
November:
Religion’s
bodycount continues to mount
Kim
Kardashian’s arse dominated the headlines
December:
Daniel
Craig’s sweater
Fairy tale banned for 'historical inaccuracy'
Reading
the news so you don’t have to…
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