Fox News seems to be labouring under the hilariously false belief that the city of Birmingham is an Islamic State where police fear to tread and wandering death gangs enforce Sharia Law. Scaremongering bullshit. To help Fox better understand the people of Birmingham The news in brief has thrown together the following report:
The news in brief Birmingham special:
English is a second language in Birmingham. More people actually speak Duck.
In Birmingham they hate the Queen so much they call the side of the coin with her face on 'tails'
Emmerdale was outlawed in 2001. Re-runs of episodes still called 'Emmerdale Farm' are permitted
Under Birmingham law, the full English Breakfast is know as 'Satan's Breakfast.'
Scones are permitted but only with Jam or Clotted Cream. To have both is to court death
Their national anthem is the Countdown theme music.
By law you must use pritt stick or self adhesive envelopes. Licking an envelope is concidered taboo
It is legal to eat horse, but only on a Tuesday.
They have a 100% efficient public transport system. It is illegal to use it.
Gay marriage is legal, but only if there's been a recent straight divorce. They operate a strict one-in-one-out policy
Badgers are mandatory
At Christmas they celebrate the day Flash defeated Ming and united the moons of Mongo. Their nativity plays are awesome!
Using a 26 hour day and 8 day week the people of Birmingham live longer, more fulfilling lives
And finally: Birmingham was founded in 1992 by the French-Canadian philosopher Jean-Paul Birmingham. Before that it was known as 'Donna Summerland'
Making up the news so Fox doesn't have to...
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