The news in brief:
Exclusive: general public don’t seem to realise that it’s
not December
Newspaper dictates what you’ll enjoy next year
Supermarket invents Black Saturday
Minor fender-bender blown out of all proportion (glad
everyone’s all right though)
Shock: singers look older ten years later
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Website confuses product placement for news
Alternative arrangements for sick teenager pretty piss poor
Egypt
starting to look a bit hairy
Sleeping pills to blame for criminal activity (maybe)
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Driver forgets how friction works
Corrupt landlord rents out Ewok village
Yesterday: KIDS IN TYNE AND
WEAR TESTED FOR EBOLA!
Today: a tiny article buried under the main stories, telling
us they’re all clear.
Squirrel terrorises playground
Nightmare spa doesn’t sound at all relaxing
Newspaper helpfully labels cannabis factory
Study states the obvious: keep your fucking kitchen clean
Nudes in brief: Bai Ling
And finally: Thai police wage war on parasols
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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