The news in brief:
Breaking news: science fiction film not 100% realistic
Shocking revelation that nerds like Lego
Global chocolate shortage!
Statistics prove you can prove anything with statistics
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Economy a bit shit
Man is a gigantic douche – live on TV!
Study states the obvious: vegetables are good for you
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Soap opera character returns from beyond the grave – wait, didn’t
we have one of these last week?!
Woman’s arse still inexplicably making headlines
Ebola!
Church formally accepts that women are people too
Health and fucking safety
Bird flu will ruin Christmas!
Medieval morality strikes again
Boris Johnson tells it like it is
Woman is quite sensitive about her name
Ukraine
getting a bit hairy again
Somewhat surprised that sending a single sexy text message
to an under 16 isn’t illegal already
Nudes in brief: well, there’s a fucking surprise…
And finally: business didn’t accept death certificate – so
frustrated customer brings them the remains
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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