The news in brief:
Pro tip: you can be right without being a dick
No free food for ugly people
U.S. still bitter about that whole ownership thing...
Breaking news: not everyone in London is a prick
Man's humanity to koalas is a welcome change of pace
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Internet loses its shit over movie trailer
PM not keen on winning next election
Schools a bit shit
Economy's a bit shit
Trains are a bit shit
Prison service a bit shit
Supermarket a bit shit
Buses a bit shit
Gas prices coming down, so that's something...
Cleavage is not news
New beer is totally balls
Couple makes the mad suggestion that they should have the same rights everywhere in the UK
More winter-y weather forecast this winter
Undercrackers bad for men's knackers
Government wants to read your email
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Nudes in brief: that's weird, everyone is suspiciously clad today... unless nipples dresses count?
That's right, nipple dresses are a thing now
And finally: The news in brief apologises unreservedly to the people of Donna Summerland
Reading the news so you don't have to...
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