The news in brief 4th November 2014

The news in brief:

Humanity continues its slow march towards Mutually Assured Destruction

Woooooo! Democracy!

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Ebola!

Cereal Café sounds pretty fucking amazing

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

#Parklife!  

Exclusive: council jobsworths not interested in doing job

Study suggests that it’s okay for 13-year-olds to bump uglies… WTF?!

Worm nuggets sound pretty tasty to us

Attack of the vampire deer

Apparently shift work makes you stupid

Science is fucking awesome

Tribunal rules that people should be paid for work they don’t do?

Economy gets a bit more shit

Soap characters to return from beyond the grave

Medieval morality claims yet more lives

News wheels out another giant spider story

Seriously – 13 year olds should not be doing it with anyone – under any circumstances

Indistinct grey blur probably not a ghost

Lack of common sense in some stupid bellends means that everyone is penalised  

Nudes in brief: Rihanna

And finally: There’s no ‘and finally’ today. Instead we’re going to have a quiet minute to think about the poor man who had to turn off the life-support machines on his premature-born twins whilst his wife is still in a coma. We also hope that the neighbours who heard the intercom buzzing and didn’t get up and let the paramedics in have a hard time sleeping for a very, very long while. But hey, you weren’t expecting anyone…

Reading the news so you don’t have to…