The news in brief:
General public not too sure how politics works 
Shadow cabinet minister too clear on how it works either 
Vile woman continues her mission to offend everyone on earth
Right-wing group struggle to remember dates 
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch in trouble again 
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount 
Woman’s backside occupies disproportionate amount of column
inches 
Science is fucking awesome! 
Weather to become increasingly wintery over next few weeks 
Newspaper has only just realised you can change Facebook’s
language to ‘pirate.’ 
Maybe next week they will discover Keyboard Cat and the
Dancing Baby…  
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace 
Towels will kill us all! 
Bird caught doing bird stuff 
Ebola! 
Indistinct blur probably not a UFO  
Jessica Ennis-Hill’s Jessica Ennis-Hill Stand stand  
Christmas advert has all the feels 
Mass hysteria! 
Amazon ready to unleash drone armada 
Study states the obvious: some people just live longer than
others 
Nudes in brief: Eastenders 
And finally: double donut burger is probably bad for you 
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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