The news in brief:
Breaking news: author plans to write book
Global economy looking up. You're probably still poor though…
Here's a thought: how about we stop blaming the victims?
Mad suggestion that rules apply to everyone
Pro tip: cyclists can be dicks too
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Volcanos are sometimes hot
Nation prepares to celebrate grizzly execution
Child suspended for imaginary bow and arrow
Advert somehow ruins the magic of Christmas
Skynet wants to reply to your emails
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Hot tip: spontaneous combustion probably not a thing
First dates getting cheekier
Magazine reveals mankind's trillionth ‘6th' sense
New theory ignores shitpile of evidence
Newspaper continues to trade on fear and mistrust
Apparently beggars can be choosers
Newspaper vilifies benefits claimant
Can't help but feel council at least partly to blame...
Woman probably didn't realise people watch tv
Newspaper probably didn't realise the slippery slope argument was a logical fallacy
Stars in their bras: Blake Lively
And finally: Photographer learns not to fuck with a pachyderm
Reading the news so you don't have to….
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