The news in brief 28th March 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Pregnant woman’s body mass increases during pregnancy

Fashion magazine judges woman’s appearance (allegedly)

Man updates social media

Frivolous law suit

Horror: co-workers go shopping together

Professional weirdo wears kooky clothes

Woman enjoys boyfriend’s penis (no shit)

Woman drops her keys (paparazzi photograph arse)

Actress is human being

Woman eats food

Paparazzi catch two adults spending time together OUTSIDE!

Woman caught wearing sweat pants

Woman updates social media

Living celebrity bears passing resemblance to dead celebrity

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Apparently boobs are news now?!

Expensive house is expensive

Woman wears dress

Man conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Actress has the same shit in her handbag as every fucker else

Singer’s tickets sell like the hottest hot cakes ever caked

Two women wear sort-of similar outfits

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still’ dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

Last news in brief for a while, everybody; I’m having a holiday and we’ll be back with another celebrity special on Sunday the 6^th of April and then back to regular posts on Monday the 7^th.    

The news in brief 27th March 2014

The news in brief extra:

Sometimes, just sometimes, the actual news is spectacular enough, that The news in brief team don't need to do anything to make it wonderful:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jzebarrow/cvs-like-this-are-the-reason-the-rest-of-us-are-un-mvjw

Enjoy.

The news in brief 26th March 2014

The news in brief:

Article suggests meat comes from animals

Exposé suggests people like sex

Celebrities sure do get married a lot

Diana has to share the dead celebrity spotlight

Whatever happened to public service announcements?

Diametrically opposed politicians disagree

Hero saved lives by shortening war – WITH MATHS!

Freedom of speech means tolerating viewpoints you might disagree with

Best. Wedding cake. Ever.

Man is a bit of a legend. Can the Internet do a whip round, please?

Giant rat: inferior. Giant rat trap: superior

Doctors haven’t heard of these pesky ‘human rights’ things  

Cookies are a sometimes food

Public figure apparently isn’t allowed a day off

Text messages are deadly killers

Look, if it’s in the Oort Cloud, it’s not going to be earth-like, okay?!

Spring weather a bit wintery and a bit summery (no shit)

58 year-old didn’t have ID

Dictator probably barmy

Red top tabloid not so hot with the fact-checking

Nudes in brief: Jodie Marsh

Really big ship!

Foxes: 1, human: 0

Dolphin situation remains ‘pretty hairy’

Elvis watch 2014: ‘still dead’

Reading the news so you don’t have to….

The news in brief 25th March 2014

The news in brief: 

Mind the gap

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

People looked different 30 years ago

Study states the obvious: people are generally shit

Kids are hard work  

Russia situation remains ‘pretty hairy’  

Grown men act like 5 year old on the Internet

Journalist in trouble for not being psychic

Nudes in brief:  Eva Green

Remember: it’s totally cool to have a story about a woman’s battle with depression right next to another ‘story’ about her racy photoshoot.  

Economy a bit less shit

Remember: it’s only animal cruelty if you’re honest about it

General public can’t be trusted to brush their own teeth

It’s not rocket science: proof read your texts before you hit send

Handy scapegoat appears

Summer may be hot

Wild speculation continues

Apparently computer buffs haven’t seen The Terminator      

Council finds new way to waste money  

Man takes minor inconvenience and obvious accident to the national papers

Think tank basically makes shit up

Personal responsibility is apparently not a thing now

News giant doesn’t check it’s homepage for mistakes

Study suggests stupid idea is really fucking stupid

Unidentified Flying Object probably not aliens

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still’ dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to… 

The news in brief 24th March 2014:

The news in brief: 

No shit: discount store does well in a recession

The spirit of Hitler is alive and well and living on the Internet

Employer learns open interviews are not such a good idea

Health-and-safety gone mad: Hobbit-hole in the wall

Shit can happen in two years

Frivolous law suit

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Caught on CCTV: probably not a ghost

Quick; judge these women based upon their appearance!

Infographic reveals that all dogs are in fact dogs

Frog gives Salmond advice (All hail Queen Piggie)

Russia situation remains ‘pretty hairy’   

  

Train re-enacts end of Batman Begins (thankfully no serious injuries)

Wild speculation ends in tragedy

Study states the fucking obvious

Man’s inhumanity to animals continues apace

Gender bias strikes again

Study suggests food is bad for you

Boybands collapse into quantum pop singularity

Nudes in brief: Miranda Kerr  

Crazy woman is pretty crazy

All Hail The Megaburger

Quick question: have you tried not re-offending?!

Shocking performer’s shocking performance

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still’ dead

Reading the shit out of the news so you don’t have to…  

The news in brief 23rd March 2014:

War, invasions, budgets, referendums and missing aeroplanes; thank shitting crikey for The news in brief celebrity special:

People go out to dinner

Woman *doesn’t* wear dress

Couple may or may not be dating

Woman’s BMI is none of our business

Woman updates social media

Paparazzi intrudes on family outing

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Singer is airbrushtastic

Cook cooks

Woman wears make up

Paparazzi catch family walking OUTSIDE!

Woman wears shirt

Nudes in brief: Amanda Kerr

Man goes jogging

Woman wears jumper

Shock: actress hugs her husband IN PUBLIC!!!!!!!

Definition of ‘similar’ stretched beyond breaking point

How dare singer not be omnipresent?! (who does she think she is….)

Cynical grown-ups don’t like children’s movie

 Two grown men acts like five-year olds

People outraged over singer’s poster for no valid reason

Fashionista talks mindless, dribbling, intolerant, offensive, horse bollocks

Diana Watch 2014: princess had more than one change of clothes (and good manners apparently)

Reading the ‘news’ so you don’t have to… 

The news in brief 22nd March 2014

The news in brief Extra:

Sometimes, just sometimes, the placement of photographs in the actual news is so inappropriate that The news in brief team don't need to do anything to make it funny:

Enjoy:

 

From: http://www.dailystar.co.uk 22/03/2014 21:23