The news in brief 7th May 2015

The news in brief election night special:

This is it. Some of the less apathetic members of the Great British Public have dragged their arses to the polling booths (and presuming they didn’t take their own pen) marked an X in a box with a pencil and decided which of the two main parties will get first stab at putting together a coalition government, otherwise we’re going to have to do it all again in July…

We’ve had accusation of bully-boy tactics at the booths   

Conspiracy theories about why we have to use a pencil

Smear campaigns

Old school pictures

Bacon Sandwiches

Stone tablets

Hilarious buses

Threats (or is that promises?) of voluntary exile

But if there’s two things you can count on in this General Election, it’s that the good people of Sunderland can count ballot papers pretty fucking fast and that David Dimbleby is an unstoppable, stone-cold presenting machine. When we’re tucked up in our beds in the wee small hours of the morning, he’ll still be on the BBC, putting down fools with his withering stare.

It may or may not also be true that if David Dimbleby punches you in your dreams you will wake up with bruises.  

So what ever the outcome, we know that were going to spend the next five years surrounded by people who didn’t vote, don’t vote, but are happy to complain about the outcome

See you on the other side

   

Reading the news so you don’t have to…