The news in brief 3rd May 2015

The news in brief celebrity special:

Stop the press: woman gives birth

The one-thousand-nine-hundred-and-thirteen other births yesterday totally not news worthy

People enjoy camping in some weird-ass places

Royal baby not actually called ‘Kensington Palace,’ we just read the tweet wrong…

Woman dresses appropriately for the weather

Paparazzi intrudes on someone’s holiday

Woman updates social media

We’ll bet your fan fiction isn’t worth £75 million

Breaking news: man enjoys sporting event

Woman wears dress

Cleavage is NOT news

Not sure she’s ‘hiding her figure,’ as much as ‘wearing a sweater because it’s raining.’    

Woman has legs

Photographers intrude on family day out

Pro tip: taking pictures of other people’s kids is fucking weird

Pro tip: publishing pictures of other people’s kids is fucking weird

Pregnant woman looks pregnant

Probably not ‘showing off her bump’ more like ‘wearing clothes whilst outside’

Photographer uses such a long lens that the picture of model-exercising-in-a-bikini is fucking blurry

(Mad idea, but maybe she didn’t want her picture taken…)  

Another mad idea – if woman quickly takes down a picture from Twitter, she probably doesn’t want it in the newspaper either. Cunts

Nudes in brief: Chloe Goodman

And finally: actress dyes her hair

Reading the news so you don’t have to…