The news in brief 6th August 2014:

The news in brief:

Hipster Jihadi is a thing now

Photographer causes a bit of a stir

People are pretty stupid

Crocodile’s inhumanity to sharks continues apace

It turns out you can polish a turd

Commuters show us that not everyone is a jerk

It’s not your phone – you’re just mental

Study states the obvious: it’s time to split up if you’ve stopped loving each other

‘Poor doors’ are a thing

Everyone should have stuff and someone else should pay for it

67 year-old Dame puts the young ‘uns to shame

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Ceasefire survives first 24 hours.

The news in brief forever confused why it’s so hard to not kill people

Ukraine situation remains pretty fucking hairy

Wild speculation reported as fact

Remember: you put the unfounded bullshit on the front page in huge font – and you bury the actual facts in small print on page 4

Women are free to be anything they want (except models, housewives, princess…)

Once again, newspaper fails to understand why you put the ‘graphic content’ warning before the picture of the dead body dumped in the streets, not after. (But it’s okay, his face was pixalated…)

Parent neglects to parent (but of course blames everyone else)

Elephant loves car

Nudes in brief: loom band bikini

Diana Watch 2014: still pretty dead.