The news in brief 20th August 2014

The news in brief:

Giant troll offends the entire Internet

Newsreader pro police brutality

Study states the obvious: coconut is good for you

Woman really likes milk

Apparently it’s really hard to go two hours without checking your phone

Actress looks nice in dresses

Wild speculation about woman’s knitwear

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Not killing each other apparently too much like hard work

Man’s inhumanity to man continues to mount

World agrees that beheading a dude is NOT fucking cool

Man really doesn’t like milk

No shit: sperm donors have lots of babies

Self-aggrandising wankers draw attention to themselves

Late August bank holiday weather ‘likely to be shit’

How dare a vulnerable little girl ask a few dozen people to go a few measly hours with their delicious salty nuts in order to not die? Who does she think she is?! #sarcasm

Nudes in brief: Myleene Klass

Common sense: 1. Weak-kneed namby-pamby liberal-lefty bullshit: 0

Scientists need to stop what they’re doing right now and read some Spider-Man before it’s too late!

Six-year-old hurt by outrageous deviant thundercunts

“Killer who was released from prison early only to reoffend walks free from court AGAIN after his fourth brush with the lawr” Never mind the headline, you’d think one of the leading news outlets would spell check its fucking headlines

And finally…   science confirms it is okay to pee in the ocean

Reading the news so you don’t have to…