The news in brief 5th August 2014

The news in brief:

 

Terror at 50,000 feet

Naïve commentators have no idea why jet fighter scrambled

Someone’s going to learn the very hard way why hoax bomb threats are not cool

Opposing politicians disagree

Newsflash: Member of Parliament acts in accordance with conscience 

Despite endless media coverage, people still can’t figure out roaming charges

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Fish!

Study states the obvious: sick people don’t like to be patronised

Actress not proud of terrible, terrible film

Man’s inhumanity to kitty cats continues apace

Someone made a poor life choice – better start legislating lickety-split!   

Elderly couple have happiest ending possible

Cloud formation unlikely to be God

Man hypnotises cows with trombone

Parents make sensible, practical parenting choice

Commentator apparently prefers mutilation to sensible, practical parenting choice 

Woman hairs hair – whole nation flips its stack

Mobile game pretty sick – even by the news in brief’s standards (and we find some awful things funny)

Horrible monster forgets how to person

Gaza cease fire seems to be happening

Many places, too many to name, still pretty hairy

Nudes in brief: Elliot Wright

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still’ dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…