The news in brief 27th August 2014

The news in brief:

The news in brief still not convinced that guns don’t kill people

Handgun-dispensing vending machines apparently a thing now

Reality TV show judges make controversial decision – Internet has feelings

Cyberbullying is NOT okay – even if she did ruin his ice-cream

Odd thing is, half a bajillion wasps should make a fuckload of noise?!

Study states the obvious: fruit is good for you

Another group of commuters has to lift a train

Pyjamas only a touch Holocaust-y

Capital: sorted. Flag: sorted. National anthem: sorted. Currency: Scotland will have to get back to you on that one…

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Pop star lambasted for accurate statement

Study reveals we’re all as soft as shite

Political correctness: 1, common sense: 0

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Social Media rethinks its policy on graphic content

Supermarkets run out of ice and water shortages in Scotland due to Ice Bucket challenge

Nearly half of Britons don’t pay attention to the fucking news

Minor administrative change presented as moustache-twirling cartoon super-villainy

Writer spoils TV show’s ending  

Hey – if you’re going to report the tragic death of a schoolgirl, have the fucking decency to grammar check the goddamned, mother-fucking headlines

Toddler didn’t learn to swear like that on her own (toddlers don’t read The news in brief)

Nudes in brief: Rihanna 

And finally: uninhabitable shithole in London probably still costs more than your house  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…