The news in brief 18th March 2014

The news in brief:

Breaking news: United Kingdom surrenders to the grey squirrel.

All hail the grey squirrel!

Woman takes the bus

More wild speculation

Married couple not having any more children just now  

Paying attention when you cross the road is a Good Idea

Lights in the sky probably not aliens

Russian situation remains ‘pretty ropey’

Economy not doing anything interesting

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Socks are not sandwiches

Newsreader is an asshole

President suggests that freedom is the right of all sentient beings

Nudes in brief: Candice Swanepoel

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Sideboob!

Does this mean UK citizens can apply for reparations from the Roman Empire?

Study states the obvious: anxiety affects people differently

Woman uses religion as an excuse to act like a fucking bell-end

People don’t take antidepressants for no reason. But hey, let’s blame the X-Box game…

Local council does a whoopsie

We don’t normally name names, but Noel Edmonds is a fucking legend

Attention-seeking hyperbitch strikes again

Slacktivism rears its ugly head again

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still dead’

Reading the news so you don’t have to…