The news in brief celebrity
special:
Paparazzi intrudes on important family moment
Media pays paparazzi for intruding on family’s important
moment
People keep buying magazines with this shit it
And lo! the cycle continues
Woman wears dress
Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty
Breaking news: people know each other outside of work
If someone’s keeping a low profile – maybe they don’t want
their picture in the news?
Man goes jogging
TV star wears gym clothes – to the gym!
Woman fails to conform to media’s narrow definition of
beauty
Apparently it is literally impossible for celebrity women to
win…
Woman wears clothes appropriate to activity
Shock: actress has the audacity to look a bit tired after a
long flight
Newspaper likes woman’s outfit
Woman not dressed appropriately for the weather
Outrage: man has work commitments
Woman donates huge pile of money to charity (but for some
reason we need to describe her as ‘yo-yo dieter’ because her relationship with
food is somehow relevant to the story…) Fucking bullshit
Stop the press: parent caught parenting
Racial slurs ‘not cool’
Scandal: actress’ complexion was ‘a bit blotchy’ last week
Nudes in brief: Demi Lovato
And finally: actress has better job that you…
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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