The news in brief 5th September 2014

The news in brief:

Study states the obvious: people with more money can afford more stuff

Tiny chip shop opens when it damned well feels like it

Man pays parking ticket

Medieval morality ruins another life

Pro tip: women are people too

Kung-Fu grandpa doles out some street justice

Joan Collins in fact still alive #oops

Counterfeit phone chargers will kill us all!

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Just putting it out there: if you don’t like a cartoon, you could just not let your kids watch it…

Less than 0.003% of population want Pepper Pig banned. Why is this news exactly?!

Soy products will kill us all!

Asteroid probably won’t kill us all

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

MPs agree that taking money from people who have no money is probably a Bad Idea

Charity tries asking terrorists nicely

Ceasefire agreed in Ukraine

Be sure to check your glove compartment for illegal immigrant

Nudes in brief: Kim Kardashian  

Newsflash: everybody poops

People will complain about fucking anything

Painful realisation that warfare is neither glamorous nor fun

And finally: horses can’t fly

Reading the news so you don’t have to…