The news in brief:
Not too sure what an ‘extragalactic astronomer’ has to do
with a Martian probe 
Newsreader goes big AND goes home 
Spectacular breakup
Clearly Australians are not as bothered by the word ‘fuck’
as the English
Pro tip: ‘journalists’ are not the same thing as ‘terrorists’
Medieval justice system claims another life 
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace 
Attack of the giant spiders! 
Woman has seen Total Recall one too many times 
Hermione Granger tells it like it is 
Driver has more money than sense 
Turns out maths is hard 
Mad suggestion that the parents might just be to blame
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount 
Newspaper has strong feelings about breastfeeding 
Mind you, 3 is a bit old, like… 
Health and fucking safety 
Common sense scores a rare victory over bureaucracy
College handles gender politics badly 
Students strike back! 
Great British Bake-Off viewers inexplicably offended by
gentlest, tamest, most British show on television… 
Newspaper enjoys some cyberbullying 
Nudes in brief: racy music video is racy 
And finally: terrifying cyborg (and love) conquers all
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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