The news in brief 4th February 2014

The news in brief:

Pixilation fail

Motivational abuse for sale

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Newspaper unable to find long-lost proof reader

Horrible family looks exactly how you’d imagine

Crop circles appear in footballer’s hair

UKIP needs to start checking people’s references

Pot calls kettle black

Attention-seeking hyperbitch continues mission to offend everyone on Earth

Crocodile in Bristol (benefits status unknown)

Happy Birthday popular social media website who hosts my blog for free

Man makes poor life decision

Fracking probably not worth it

Diana Watch 2014: still dead

Space is totally kicking rad

Study states the obvious

‘Boys will be boys’ used to mean hair-pulling and scrumping (ask your dad)

North of England scoops fat bastard award

Upstanding dude shows world how to #NekNominate

Smoking toddler

Public outrage at see-through windows

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount (but no-one cares today because someone famous died)

Reading the news so you don’t have to…