The news in brief:
Earthquake affects no-one (crocodile not a suspect)
Man has opinion on subject that directly affects him
David Bowie not actually from Mars
Man’s inhumanity to man picks up right where it left off
2014’s ‘shortest ceasefire award’ changes hands
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Rejected applicant has last laugh
Economy a bit less shit (unless you’re a homeowner)
Art is not rubbish
Man takes his baby OUTSIDE!
Health and fucking safety
Nudes in brief: Lara Stone
Man’s inhumanity to animals continues apace
Police getting somewhere with ‘you-know-who’
People swear on the Internet (no fucking shit)
Study states the obvious
Newspaper can’t do maths
Medieval morality strikes again
Terrifying toy will scar your children for life
Vandals use guerilla tactics to honour Olympic gold
Diana Watch 2014: ‘still’ dead
Study reveals what every 13 year-old girl already knows
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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