The news in brief 19th February 2014

The news in brief:

Stars dress like whores

Patrick Stewart is NOT gay  

Patrick Stewart IS fabulous

Study states the obvious: fast food is bad for you

Athletes judged by their make-up (rather than their athletics)

Busybody buys lots of shirts

Nudes in brief: Kelly Brook

Website forgets to put story under the headline

People like David Bowie

Economy a bit less shit

Man’s inhumanity to man abates a bit (for now)

Living on Mars declared ‘bad for your health’

Band members beaten for suggesting equal rights might be nice

Anxiety is bad for you

Airline security a smidge heavy handed

90% of new jobs in 2013 didn’t go to Romanians and Bulgarians

Offensive voicemail a touch unprofessional

Newspaper discovers website we all found in 2007…

Religion’s bodycount through the roof

Insurer surprises no-one

Politician may be a bit corrupt

Hidden wang found in 23 year-old cartoon (maybe)

Diana Watch 2014: her eating habits revealed. Still dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…