The news in brief:
EU not so hot at percentages
Peppermint is a gateway drug
MPs have never actually met any children
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Study suggests the British are thoroughly British
Shock: Banker makes money
New Star Wars film to feature 'Darth Vader-like character'
Insensitive bitch offends entire universe
Baying public blissfully unaware of the irony
Hyperbole taken to new extremes
Man cracks one out at work
English are not dirty cheaters
Crazy science fiction about to become reality
Not all humans suck
Religious types up in arms about music videos
Bastion of morality advertises hardcore porn
There are lots of planets in space
Britain is not America
Country's economy in the shitter
Bank loses taxpayer money (has anyone looked down the back of the sofa)
Northern Lights come for a stottie and a brown ale
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Still having some weather
Tits
Man has cookbooks IN HIS KITCHEN!
Hilarious admin balls up
False widows will kill us all!
Garage forecourts owed a bit of an apology
Railway takes a dump on gran’s clean washing
PC brigade spoils harmless fun for everyone
Diana Watch 2014: all signs point to dead
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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