The news in brief 21st October 2013

The news in brief 21st October 2013:

Nuclear power plant will solve all of our problems

Scientists find cure for distinguishedness

Nuclear power plant will ruin us all

You-know-who still missing

Fracking seems like small potatoes now, huh?

Tasty apples more popular than sour bastards

Social media giant suggests people need to see shit in order to condemn it

House prices are up - hooray!

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Tragic council fuck up

US president has ninja reflexes

Diana Watch, day 43: still pretty dead

Another business doesn't know how Twitter works

House prices are up - booooo!

Celebrities wear monster make up for Hallowe'en

Exercise is good for you

Professional tart whores it up again

Woman wears a dress

Reading the news so you don't have to...