The news in brief 8th November 2015

The news in brief celebrity special:

Woman buys house

Stop the press: singer is richer than you

Woman fails to conform to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Judgemental cunts have opinions about woman’s shape

Woman has opinions about judgemental cunt’s opinions  

Woman updates social media

Woman wears dress

Woman has backside

Breaking news: woman wears hat

Ill-fitting shoes are NOT news

Pro tip: taking pictures of other people’s kids remains creepy and weird

Woman has midriff

Cleavage is still not news

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman wears bikini

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Photographer spies on bathing woman (how is this news and not, you know, a crime?!)

Woman goes for a walk

Woman gets off aeroplane

In a world of 7 billion humans beings, or which approximately 3.5 billion are women, it’s surely not that newsworthy that two of them have slightly similar dresses?

Stars in their bras: Pia Miller

And finally: man fails to correctly align his head to the universally recognised ‘angle of maximum reflection’

Reading the news so you don’t have to…