The news in brief:
Newspaper completely misrepresents survey
Bullshit hatemongering masquerading as news
Newspaper still oddly keen for war with Russia
Drunk driver fails to spot Scotland
Economy looks set to take a nosedive
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Medieval morality doesn’t give a shit about a man’s rights
Weather gets pretty fucking terrifying
Eight-year-old is totally smarter than you
Politician gets a little too Hitler-y for comfort
False equivalency is NOT news
Putin totally has the best War Room
Product placement totally isn’t news
Tumble dryers will kill us all
Vandals need a fucking good slap
Gigantic bitch gets off easy
Martian rock probably not a mouse
Nazi megaweapon pretty fucking awesome (and totally evil, but come on!)
Study states the obvious: too much porn is bad for you
Heterosexuals continue to undermine the sanctity of marriage
People probably not offended by prayer
Nudes in brief: Jennifer Lopez (‘s backup dancer)
And finally: nation fights evil with pictures of kittens
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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