The news in brief 3rd November 2015

The news in brief 3^rd November 2015:

Last week, the World Economic Forum produced a list of 14 things that top earners, chief big-wigs and people who-don’t-shop-at-Lidl do before breakfast. Prepare to snort derisively because it’s a doozy:

1. Wake up early  
2. Drink water not coffee
3. Exercise
4. Work on a top-priority business project
5. Work on a personal-passion project
6. Invest in family time (apparently this can include ‘cooking a big family breakfast,’ so really successful people can have breakfast before breakfast. But when we do it’s just fat*)
7. Connect with spouses
8. Make your bed
9. Network over coffee
10. Meditate to clear your mind
11. Write down things you're grateful for
12. Plan and strategise for the day ahead
13. Check your email
14. Read the news

Jesus shit in a handbag! Ain’t no-one got time for that? Here’s a more realistic list of 14 things that The news in brief does before breakfast:

1. Hit the snooze button at least twice.
2. Drink coffee.
3. Look in the mirror and question if we were that jowly yesterday
4. Prey for an asteroid so we don’t have to go to work
5. Do enough of last night’s dishes so that an unexpected visitor wouldn’t think we were animals
6. Wrestle a protesting child into a clean nappy
7. Argue with spouse about which cupboard things live in
8. Decide that no-one’s going to see your bed but you and life’s too short to climb those stairs again
9. Contemplate how you can both ‘drink water and not coffee’, and ‘network over coffee’ before breakfast. Is this Schrödinger’s coffee?
10. Try to convince child that they don’t need to watch the same episode of Bing Bunny again and again and again…
11. Realise all the things you’re grateful for are in your house and it’d sure be nice to spend some time there
12. Try to work out how long it’s been since you last took a sick day.
13. Check your Facebook. Get irrationally angry at everyone who isn’t at work today.
14. Question if it’s time to go back to bed yet.

 Reading the news so you don’t have to…

*Chuck Norris can have breakfast before breakfast