The news in brief 3rd September 2015

The news in brief:

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Europe finally sits up and pays attention (some of it anyway)

Attention-seeking hyper-bitch continues her mission to offend everyone

Turns out the attention-seeking hyper-bitch is an amateur filth-wizard

Breaking news: law applies to everyone, bitch

Pro tip: guns are fucking dangerous

Business chooses unimaginative new name

Article walks the fine line between news and product placement   

Study states the obvious: cats don’t give a shit about us

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Slow news day? Newspaper wheels out fifty-billion-year-old Lad Bible meme

Weather set to become increasingly autumnal

Economy still pretty shit

World’s biggest car-boot sale turns 20

Newspaper not at all biased

Controversial television is controversial

Scientists need to learn lessons from The Wrath of Khan

Medieval justice system threatens to ruin two more lives

Turns out that honey is kinda sugary, why knew?!

Minors probably shouldn’t have smartphones  

Mugger learns the hard way about judging a book by its cover….

Indistinct blur probably not aliens

Nudes in brief: Olympia Valance

And finally: sheep is very fluffy   

Reading the news so you don’t have to…