The news in brief:
‘Allegedly’ seems to be the hardest word
Remember kids: smear campaigns are okay when you don’t like
the guy
Pro tip: a 20-year-old indiscretion doesn’t affect your ability
to do a job today
To be fair, we put dead pigs in our mouths all the time…
We tried to keep things balanced, but it is pretty fucking
funny!
Politician too busy doing his job
Man plans to bring back the 70s
Headteacher a bit of a cunt
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Skynet unveils its robobusses
Colliding super-massive blackholes will kill us all
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Study states the obvious: drugs are bad
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch continues her mission to
offend everyone
Driver is a heartless prick
Indistinct blur probably NOT a ghost
Medieval morality claims another life
Dictatorship shits all over human rights
Seaweed will save us all
You can prove anything with statistics
Chocolate spread “pulls a Voldermort”
Stars in their bras: Caroline Flack
And finally: Charlie Brooker will never have to pay for a
pint again…
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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