The news in brief:
Car manufacturer has been a little bit naughty
Herbie and Bumblebee unavailable for comment
Monkey probably not interested in law suit
Apes love a bit of telly
Politician is a racist prick
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Human race edges ever-nearer to self destruction
Media only has one photo of Eva Carneiro
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Pro tip: 3 is 50% of 6
Family business doing ‘quite well’
Attack of the ginger extremist
Teenage Mutant Ninja Codfish
Insurers act like total bellends
Study states the obvious: more people are using discount
retailers
Maybe it’s because the economy’s still a bit shit
Smartphones more deadly than sharks
Terrorist surprises no-one
Indistinct blur probably not Jesus
Flashing light probably not aliens
Stars in their bras: Kylie Jenner
And finally: philanthropist lowers cost of life-saving
medicine by 5500%... on wait… what?!
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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