The news in brief:
CIA investigation surprises no-one 
Apparently not complying with a police officer is a capital
offence now… 
Random pattern looks a tiny bit like a swastika 
Minor customer service failure is somehow news 
Man gets a promotion 
Olympic committee thinks equal rights are pretty fucking
cool too
Weather bomb!  
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount 
Planet irreparably damaged by environmental group  
Monster walks away on a technicality
Great news for misogynistic assholes everywhere 
Newspaper outright condones torture 
Big bang may have made backwards anti-universe where
everyone is evil and has goatee beards… (Okay, we added that last bit)
Girlfriend’s prank is a pain in the arse  
Story states the obvious: first class has better seats 
Science is fucking awesome 
Pro tip: mistletoe drones are NOT a good idea  
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace 
Driver has a lucky escape 
Pareidolia is not news  
Nudes in brief: Casey Batchelor 
And finally: religious group offended by imaginary wizard 
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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