The news in brief:
Dairy products give you cancer
People like Star Wars
Dyson's design a bit like Google Glass (but rubbish at vacuuming)
Dairy products probably not linked to autism
Study states the obvious: children who eat vegetables eat vegetables
Eco-nutjobs at it again
Exclusive: football stadium kinda looks like a vagina
Religion chalks up another kill
Medieval justice system apologises for the confusion but they will be killing new mum
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Old man retires
Unverifiable allegations not being investigated by police
Bad parenting is bad
The Internet is going to kill us all (in a fortnight)
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Don’t go to university – live at home until you can buy a house then get knocked up instead
77 year-old man tells it like it is
Straight people continue to ruin the sanctity of marriage
Sketch artists possibly a bit biased
Man fails at yacht
Pot calls kettle black
Marvel wishes it had thought of Goat Rider first
Nudes in brief: a literal boat load of potential Miss Englands
Remember: freedom is the right of all sentient beings. Unless you’re a woman and other women don’t agree
Diana Watch 2014: Probably not psychic. Still dead.
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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