The news in brief:
Tourists unaware of anything outside of London
#BritishValues: tea drinking
Gas cannister *not* a WWII bomb
Hippie peaceniks gonna get a soaking
Mad suggestion that we should move with the times
Bomb scare a little close to home for the news in brief's liking
Old man celebrates birthday
Skynet is born (luckily she's a 13 year-old boy and English isn't her first language)
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
#BritishValues: queuing
What kind of thundercunt steals from a little old lady?!
Attention seeking hyper-bitch still trying to offend everyone in the known universe
Pro tip: have you tried not speeding?!
Man likes bees a bit too much
#BritishValues: hating the government whilst simultaneously wanting them to run our essential utilities
Study states the obvious: acting like a cunt gets you attention
Cracks start to show in newspaper's love affair with supermarket
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Octopuses are actually pretty smart
Supermarket a touch heavy-handed
#BritishValues: complaining about the weather
Nudes in brief: James Argent (whoever that is?!)
Richard Branson-like sea monster appears
#BritishValues: chicken parmo
Science is pretty fucking awesome: orgasm nasal gel
Diana Watch 2014: still dead
Reading the news so you don’t have to...
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