The news in brief 12th and 13th November 2014

The news in brief:

General public not too sure how politics works

Shadow cabinet minister too clear on how it works either

Vile woman continues her mission to offend everyone on earth

Right-wing group struggle to remember dates

Attention-seeking hyper-bitch in trouble again

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Woman’s backside occupies disproportionate amount of column inches

Science is fucking awesome!

Weather to become increasingly wintery over next few weeks

Newspaper has only just realised you can change Facebook’s language to ‘pirate.’

Maybe next week they will discover Keyboard Cat and the Dancing Baby…  

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Towels will kill us all!

Bird caught doing bird stuff

Ebola!

Indistinct blur probably not a UFO  

Jessica Ennis-Hill’s Jessica Ennis-Hill Stand stand  

Christmas advert has all the feels

Mass hysteria!

Amazon ready to unleash drone armada

Study states the obvious: some people just live longer than others

Nudes in brief: Eastenders

And finally: double donut burger is probably bad for you

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The news in brief 11th November 2014

The news in brief:

…

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The news in brief 10th November 2014

The news in brief:

Newspaper is a scaremongering little troublemaker

Twitter calls them out of their bullshit

Misleading headline

Routine exercise reported as major international incident

Exclusive interview surprises no-one

Archbishop suggests we should try not being dicks to each other

Couple exploits loophole to show medieval justice system that love is all you need  

Government is not impressed

Turns out money can’t buy you love

Hilarious spelling mistake

Leisure Centre rewards lack of imagination

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace  

Technology is fucking terrifying…

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Extreme accidental upskirts!

Man doesn’t recognise someone – and this is somehow news

Manufacturer slays dragons

Economy ‘not that shit’

Ebola!

White supremacy group relaxes its entry requirements

New antibiotics are total horseshit

Study states the obvious: exercise is good for you

Nudes in brief: Jena Malone

And finally: theme park bans single adults just in case they are paedophiles...

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The news in brief 9th November 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Macaulay Culkin definitely still alive

Woman caught parenting

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

New mother is not ‘debuting’ child. She just went outside. Fucking vultures.

Stop the press: singer sings song – on television!

Woman wears leotard

Man’s sex life is somehow our business

Wild speculation

Someone’s (alleged) sexual partner being ‘plus-sized’ doesn’t make it news

Woman wears dress

Woman caught walking her dog

Woman updates social media   

Newspaper indulges in a bit of cyber-bullying

Coat looks nothing like the Cookie Monster

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman wears dress

Man conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty (for a change)

Two ‘stories’ objectifying a male celebrity?! Not quite what we’re looking for, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Cleavage! (sigh)

Couple caught getting a snack

Two consenting adults caught smooching – in public!  

Newspaper doesn’t like woman’s shoes

Nudes in brief: Bradley Cooper – that makes three! 

And finally: popular Internet outlet a big, smelly, dirty, fucking hypocrite  

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The news in brief 8th November 2014

The news in brief:

Billionaire reveals secret to success

Tyne and Wear Metro pretty fucked

Sports fans decides man NOT entitled to his own beliefs

People act like pricks on the Internet

Medieval legal system set to progress from 5^th to 6^th Century

Child actor NOT dead

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount  

‘Mind control’ worryingly a thing now

America’s most expensive house is pretty fucking expensive

MP accused of economic shenanigans 

York very keen for bacon sandwiches

Local newspaper tells us how many pigs were hurt, but nothing about the drivers…

Threats of a new Cold War as The Fall of the Berlin Wall is remembered

Giant phallus splits Sydney (yeah, you read that right…)    

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Skynet’s gonna put you and your grandchildren out of work!

Weather set to become wintery

Study states the obvious: discount supermarket cheaper than non-discount supermarket

Newspaper clearly doesn’t know how much chips cost…

Terrible woman forgets how to person

Nudes in brief: Keira Knightley (but for once this isn’t gratuitous news boobs)   

Yep, child actor definitely still alive (thank you Wikipedia)

And finally: Actor helps restore faith in humanity

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The news in brief 7th November 2014

The news in brief 6th November 2014

The news in brief:

Look, we don't want to wade in on the whole Gays versus Bakery debate. People should be able to buy a cake without prejudice.  But at the same time, I can see why we shouldn't vilify an artist who turns down a commission that makes them uncomfortable. 
Still, something about this story does bother us:

Bert and Ernie are not gay.

Or if they are, they certainly aren't gay with each other. Mostly because it's a show for pre-schoolers and nobody is actually boning anybody.

Sesame Street is probably the most progressive children's show ever made. It's tackled being mixed race (remember the monster that was half Honker and half Dinger?), death, divorce and in one of its foreign iterations,  having HIV. It doesn't talk down and it doesn't hold back.

If Bert and Ernie were gay, they'd have had a wedding episode by now. (And not a gay wedding either, just a wedding,  because Sesame Street doesn't create division where none needs to exist). Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch would gave been groomsmen and Count von Count would have performed the ceremony:

'One! One ring!'
'Two! Two rings!'
'Mwa ha ha ha!'
*flash of lightning*

Admit it. You just did the voice in your head.

It would have been amazing and a solid two-fingers up at the small-minded fucknuts of this world who still think that two people who love each other shouldn't get married because there's one less vagina (or one too many) than their own standards of morality can handle.

But they're not: They're two dudes who share a house, share a bedroom, (but not beds, despite what Internet tries to tell you,) and are best friends.  It's a bromance.

I'm not so hot at baking but I can whip up a pretty neat Dumbledore cake, or a Willow and Tara if you like, or Chromedome and Rewind...

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